To the girl I was yesterday:
You are not who I am today.
I am a stronger, happier, better version of you.
But still, I am you. I guess you could say we’re one in the same.
Your thoughts are my thoughts.
Your challenges are my challenges.
Your flaws are mine.
We share the same downfalls.
Your mistakes are my mistakes.
And I make a lot of mistakes. Actually, sometimes I can’t do anything right. I’m trying to juggle a whole mess of things. And that’s exactly what my life feels like right now: a whole mess. A mess of everything. A mess of you. A mess of me. A mess of papers. A mess of people whose faces I’ve never seen. A mess of darkness, clawing at my throat and stealing all my air. A mess.
In a million years, I never thought that I would be the one falling through the cracks. I feel myself falling. Not free falling, but dropping. Plummeting. Down. And I feel myself reaching for something to grab onto and save myself, but I keep coming up empty with every grasp. I’m drowning in life and there’s no boat to save me. I’m the Titanic and there’s an infinite number of icebergs. I won’t.Never in my wildest nightmares was I the one who didn’t have it all together. Never did I not have a plan. Never did I make so many mistakes. Never did I not know what I was doing. Never did I just “welp” and wing it. Now who am I? Because I’m not really sure. I’m making all of the decisions and choices that I’m not sure I’ll agree with tomorrow. I’m facing all of these demons and walls and bricks and who knows how to knock them down. Not once did I ever go against the grain, push against the current, never did I ever not go with the flow and do what I was told.
But here I am today.
And your mistakes are not my mistakes, girl I was yesterday. Your mistakes are my lessons. And I am learning from you, because we’re not the same. I am smarter. I am changing. I am growing. I will not be stagnant. I refuse to remain the same. I am excited for change and looking forward to tomorrow. Looking forward to living. I will not view your choices as mistakes, but as opportunities for growth and reflection, because positive thought is the first step in making a change. I will not view your challenges and downfalls as flaws, but as experiences to create a well rounded person. I am going against the grain, and voicing my unpopular opinion because I feel as though I am on the side of love and justice. I refuse to let any hands have a hold on you, and I won’t allow anything to take your breathe or hold you hostage. I am a woman of the present and I am a woman of the light.
Your thoughts change mine.
Your challenges are my accomplishments.
Your flaws are my endearing quirks.
Your downfalls are my lessons, my stories, my triumphs.
To the girl I was yesterday:
We are not the same.
I am stronger. I am happier. I am better.
I am a woman of today.